One thing is clear... our pets, Jenny and Pete, are DEFINITELY ready for baby.
They have been ridden.
They have been stickered.
They have been read to...
They have been hand-fed. I didn't actually capture her giving Jenny a bite, but trust me, she does get fed by Miss Finley.
They have been put to "night-night" with a blankie.
Finley even tried to put one of LbC's diapers on Pete the other day before I intervened!!!! Obviously, Pete doesn't usually stick around long enough for me to get too many pictures of him... Jenny is way too good of a sport!
Still, they could not be more ready for Finley to have a little brother to pester.
As for Finley, I'm not sure if she is ready or not. She really doesn't get the whole idea of little brother. In the beginning, she thought it was fun to kiss my tummy, but now she pulls my shirt down immediately and says "Night-Night."
A few reasons I think she'll handle the addition of LbC well:
- She LOVES babies and exclaims every time she sees one.
- She has recently started dragging around a baby doll with her everywhere.
- She is starting to play more independently again after a long stretch of wanting me nearby at all times.
- She doesn't get jealous when I hold other babies.... other toddlers, yes, but babies, no.
- She is very concerned when a baby is crying. She is showing a genuine care and sensitivity.
- She is very concerned when a baby is crying! Though this is a sign of sensitivity and a reason I think she is ready, it is also difficult for her to understand why the baby is crying and wants to make sure everything is okay. I worry that when LbC is fussing and we aren't able to calm him that she is going to have a rough time.
- She really wants to be in his crib and cradle which shows a bit of regression already. I'm not sure she's ready to see a baby in a spot she so recently abandoned.
- She covers all of her doll's heads with a blanket! I am scared she is going to continually try to suffocate LbC in an effort to make sure he is warm! =)
As for me, I am ready in the following ways:
- I can't wait to meet this little guy that I am already so in love with!!!!!! To see who has been moving inside me. To kiss his little cheeks and smell his little baby sweetness!!!!!
- I can't wait to bend at the waist again.
- I can't wait to be rid of heartburn.
- I can't wait to be a mom again!
- My hospital bag is packed.
- His cradle and crib are ready.
- I feel much more prepared for labor this time and am not nearly as afraid of it.
- I love being pregnant despite the lack of waist and heartburn.
- I will greatly miss him moving inside me.
- I will also miss knowing that he is fully protected inside me and that this is the only time I can completely protect him.
- His hospital bag has not been packed.
- His room isn't done and until it is, I will feel a bit out of sorts.
- But most of all I'm not ready because I am not ready to love two kids as much as they deserve to be loved. I am completely ready to love them as much as I possibly can... as much as any mom ever could, but I am not ready to love them as much as they should be loved by all the people who aren't here to love them or who are here, but have made it obvious that they don't love my kids as much as I think they should. Sure I'm overprotective, but I've always said that it is in times of joy that you find out who your real friends and family are because it is then that you see who is selfless enough to be happy for you, to share in your joy, to love in spite of what is going on in their own lives. These kids deserve so much more than they will get. I know that God is enough. That He is able to fill the spaces that I can't. I know my weakness is ultimately His strength, but it is difficult to just know that these two aren't as loved as they should be. It feels selfish to be having kids who deserve what so many other kids have... lots of love from family and friends. And yes, I realize that my kids have more love than lots of kids around the world... It doesn't change how I feel or the fact that those kids deserve more love as well. I think I'm just tired of trying to hide my feelings away and pretend that things are okay when they're not. Tired of pretending that I don't see those who are just going through the motions of being happy for us or who are doing just the bare minimum so that they can say they did something. My kids deserve more and maybe all moms feel this way, but it's what keeps me up at night and sends me into tears when I allow myself to go there. I just wish more for them.
