Jude's Milestones: Sleeping Through the Night

I was the envy of all moms when Jude was born.  He came home from the hospital basically sleeping through the night.  I actually woke him up for feedings during the first week until my pediatrician recommended cluster feeding instead.  What's funny is that my mom said she had to wake me up for feedings when I was a baby too.  I can't say I love all of my genes, but I am thankful that both of my babies have gotten the sleep well gene!  Of course, Devin sleeps well too so they probably got it from both sides.  Up until 3 1/2 months, Jude continued to be the BEST sleeper!

At 3 1/2 months, he went through a growth spurt and started waking during the night.  I wasn't able to ever get him back to his normal night schedule even though his day schedule went back to usual.

At 4 months, I began supplementing more at night when my supply seemed low hoping that he would get more food and therefore be able to sleep longer.  It didn't help.

At 4 1/2 months, we had Jude's well check appointment and my pediatrician recommended supplementing even more during the day.  It worked!  But only for a few nights.

At 5 months, I moved Jude into his room hoping that maybe his waking was due to Devin's alarm, my tossing and turning, or the dog in our room.  No such luck.  Moving him was a disaster and he was quickly back in his cradle.

At 5 1/2 months, I tried moving Jude into his room again.  The first night was a disaster, but when I went in to soothe him, I ended up rocking him and for the first time, really took time to problem solve.  Up until this point, I had assumed that he was waking either because he wasn't able to put himself back to sleep after waking up or because he was fighting with his swaddle blanket.  However, that night in the rocking chair, I realized that I ALWAYS put him down completely awake so he clearly could put himself to sleep....  even during his naps, I would sometimes hear him wimper and then be fast asleep again.  I think I had assumed this was the possible problem because when he would wake up in the middle of the night, I was quick to soothe him so that he wouldn't wake Devin up.  I felt like I was becoming a prop for him which was why I thought moving him out of the room might help.  After realizing that this couldn't be the issue, I thought more about the swaddle blanket issue.  Around 5 months, he had become strong enough to get his arms free, but wasn't mature enough to know what to do with his arms.  I do think this affected his sleep.  I ordered him the Woombie Houdini blanket which is amazing, but even it didn't solve the sleep issue.

(grainy iphone pic!)

Plus during my problem solving session, I realized that I had found him fast asleep several times unswaddled so clearly, he was capable of sleeping that way even if it wasn't the preferred way. Soooo.... I came to realize that he probably still needed more to eat during the day.

I tested the theory over the next few days... I tried to add an ounce to every bottle, but he wouldn't finish them so I tried cluster feeding instead which ended up working really well.  He still wasn't sleeping through the night, but he was definitely sleeping longer which was the goal!

(monitor pic)

Then IT happened.  UGH!!!!  He learned to roll from his back to his tummy.  He had done this a few times, but on the last Sunday in July, he perfected it and I found him on his tummy all swaddled up.  I immediatley panicked and had to start the process of deswaddling him so that he would have his arms free when he flipped over and would suffocate if his neck got tired.  This was timed perfectly with Finley potty training so last week was one LOOOOONG week!  Jude was doing okay being deswaddled, but just couldn't sleep as long as he could being swaddled.

(monitor pic-- how can he be comfortable like this?)

Plus he was getting used to sleeping on his stomach instead of his back which seems to throw most babies out of whack.  So instead of getting plenty of sleep in preparation for long days of potty training, I was instead being woke up several times a night.  It was so exhausting!  Fortunately, after a few nights, he was able to get comfy on his tummy and now I actually think he prefers to be on his tummy.  It's always an adventure to see where he will be when I go in to get him.  He is never in the same spot or position that I left him in.  Usually he's 180 degrees and on the opposite side!

Once he was comfortable being deswaddled, I continued his cluster feedings, but I also let him fuss it out when he woke up (usually around 5 a.m.) instead of going in to get him.  I am not a cry-it-out mom.  I just can't do it.  I know it works for a lot of moms, but I'm more of a BabyWhisperer mom than a Baby Wise mom and it's what has worked well for me and my babies so far.  It was hard to listen to him fuss, but he never wailed which is when I was planning to intervene.  The first morning he fussed for probably 30 minutes and then drifted off to sleep.  The second morning, he fussed for maybe 5 minutes.  And the third morning, he didn't fuss at all and slept until 6:30 a.m.

The last two mornings, he has slept from 8:00 p.m. until 8:30 a.m.  HALLELUJAH!!!!!

(monitor pic)

I think what happened is that he went through a growth spurt right around 4 1/2 months when I started supplementing more.  Since I was still figuring out how much to supplement, I didn't catch the growth spurt and therefore, couldn't figure out that the growth spurt was what was waking him in the middle of the night.  After the growth spurt, I think he got in a habit of waking up in the middle of the night which is why letting him fuss it out for a couple of mornings was all it took to break him of his habit.

I admit I miss having him in our room a little bit.  I liked having him close and I think it's hard for me to admit that my baby is old enough to be in his crib, but I love that he is sleeping better and it is nice to have mine and Devin's room be just ours again.

One day I will totally forget that Jude didn't sleep through the night for two months which is so funny to me because this has been such a long two months without quality sleep!  Just before Jude started sleeping better, Devin commented to me "Jude just isn't the sleeper that Finley was."  and even then I said "Actually, I think he is.  I just don't think I've figured him out quite yet."  With Finley, I had plenty of time to problem solve because I could sleep when she slept or at least sleep in longer with her.  Now I have a toddler along with a newborn and that is not an option.  It's so much harder to think things through and react appropriately with the second.  I think I'm always in quick-fix mode with Jude and this has been a good wake-up call that I just can't expect good results with that mentality! =)

Brought to you by the Letter P and the Number 2

Horrible title, I know, but this is how Finley's Elmo Potty video ends and for some reason I think it's hysterical.

This was Finley last summer in her training pants... She looks like such a baby to me!

So I'm feeling a bit like a potty training expert... afterall, this is the 3rd time I've tried to potty train Finley.  The first time was last summer and it actually was going fairly well.  I don't know if it would have actually been successful because my morning sickness took over and I quit before we really got started.  The second time was over Christmas break and it was a HUGE disaster.  I felt frustrated, lonely, and like a complete failure.  It was a horrible week and I knew then that even if Finley was still wearing diapers at 10, I wasn't going to allow myself to become so irritated over potty training again.

Fast forward to this summer, everyone I knew was potty training.  This was both encouraging and daunting.  It was good to see other people having success... knowing success could be had!  But it was also challenging because I would see other kids who clearly showed more "readiness" than Finley.  Of course, it seemed like everyone would ask me if I was potty-training and I would say "Maybe in August" but my heart wasn't really in it.  I felt obligated to try in August because I knew MDO would be over for several weeks and it would be the "ideal" time to try again.  All I could remember was December and my resolve to potty train would go right out the window!

The last week in July, Finley woke up wanting to wear big girl panties.  This isn't all that rare, but it had been awhile since she asked and usually when she would ask, I would just throw her training pants on over a diaper or put her in them for a short time.  On this particular day, I said "If you wear big girl panties, you have to keep them dry and tell me when you need to go potty.  Can you tell me when you need to go?" and she said "No!"so I said "Then you can't wear big girl panties."  She asked me again a little while later and we had the same conversation.  I was on the phone with Beth at the time and so Beth and I had a whole conversation on potty-training.  I don't know if Finley didn't like being told "No" or what, but after I got off the phone, she wanted to sit on the potty!  Ha!  I should've told her she couldn't wear big girl panties sooner!

So here's what we ended up doing:

Days 1-3: Sat on the potty during all waking hours!!!!  Literally!  We read books, played, etc.  We didn't leave the bathroom!  Of course, on days 2 and 3 we had a few things scheduled so it wasn't alllll day long on those days, but pretty much, if we were home, she was on the potty.  She got a sticker every time she went to the potty and if she got 10 stickers, she got icecream!

Days 4-6: I began setting a timer.  Everytime it went off, Finley would run into the bathroom and go potty.  Each day I set the timer for longer and longer.  We were still on the potty a lot, but we were up playing as well.  I also switched from stickers to skittles.  She stopped asking for stickers after Day 1 so I could tell they weren't going to be an effective reward.

Day 7: Huge turning point!  She woke up and said she didn't need to go potty and didn't want the timer set.  I didn't push it at all.  Just said "okay!" and went on as usual.  Inside I was incredibly disappointed... convinced that potty training was over and once again unsuccessful.  But instead she surprised me!  She would go whenever I went and didn't seem to mind me asking her quite often if she needed to go.  Even though it made me nervous when she said she didn't need to go and I knew it had been awhile since she had gone, I continued not to make a big deal out of it and she did GREAT!  Throughout these first few days, my goal was lots of successes and few accidents and surprisingly even without sitting on the potty constantly or setting the timer, she was still doing just that.  I was feeling really encouraged!

Day 8: Worst day of all.  She was still doing great, but had a couple of accidents.  One was my fault because I was on the phone with someone from church for over an hour.  The second one was seemingly out of nowhere.  I knew accidents were a part of it, but she didn't even tell me she had an accident which is why I was really discouraged.  We had been at it for a full week by this point (even though the first few days were sort of hit and miss) and I just felt like she was still taking such baby steps.  My high from the day before was replaced with a sense of frustration and utter disappointment.

Day 9: She did great all morning and all afternoon and then around 5, she had an accident and once again didn't tell me.  I seriously had to just go in another room and vent my complete lack of control and abilities to God.  I have had many heart to hearts with God throughout this potty training process, but I felt very at my wit's end by this point.  I was also very low on sleep, out of caffeine, and just feeling very emotional.  Something clicked after that accident though and more likely, God just had broken me to the point He wanted me (!) because for the first time since we started potty training, she actually initiated needing to go!!!!!!!!!  THIS WAS HUGE!!!!  She went several more times before bed and I was feeling more grateful than I can even verbalize!

Day 10:  DONE!  She woke up and all day long would go potty.  Sometimes I would remind her and sometimes she would ask to go, but no accidents and she really seemed to "get" it.  Devin called me on  his way home and I was talking to him when I realized that Finley was on the potty.  She had gone in all by herself and without any help.  She hadn't even told me she needed to go.  I was in shock and soooooo excited!  I knew that she had gotten it and that the last 9 days had been TOTALLY worth it!

Day 11: True test.  We had basically stayed home much of days 4-10 so I was anxious to get out of the house.  We went to the mall and surprisingly, Finley did just fine.  She asked to go several times and wasn't able to go, but before we left, I took her to PB Kids in hopes that they had a smaller potty.  They didn't, but they had a step stool which is exactly what she needed to feel comfortable.  As soon as she sat down, she went and I could tell she had been holding it.  I was so proud that she could hold it!

Day 12: EVEN bigger test!  We went to church.  This was the first time she would be with someone besides Mommy and Daddy when she needed to go.  It was also the first time she would have the major distraction of playing with other kids.  I was so anxious, but when Devin went to get her to bring her into big church at the end of the service, she was in her original clothes and still DRY.  She had told Miss Kari several times throughout the morning that she needed to go and was 100% successful!

So here's what worked for us:

• a variety of rewards... she definitely responded to changing up the rewards.
• a small potty... as disgusting as it is, she feels much more comfortable on it and it allows me to feed Jude and not worry about how she is going to get on the potty without my help.  She can go on a big potty (especially with a potty seat), but I like having the smaller potty for her right now.
• sitting on the potty when she was on the potty... another plus for her having her own potty.  It was MUCH easier to get her to go to the potty if I was going too.
• staying home!!!!!  I really think having so many days where we were just camped out at home helped give her the successes she needed to keep going.  I think if I had tried to potty train around our usual busy schedule, she would have had a much more difficult time and/or wouldn't have been trained at all this time.

• training pants!!!!  I know some people use pull-ups, but she needed training pants to really feel like she was a big girl and to feel herself needing to go.  I didn't end up getting her regular panties until Day 10 and she got to go pick them out with me which she LOVED.
• potty training when it was miserably hot outside so I didn't feel like getting out anyway!  It was 110 plus most of the days we were stuck at home!

What I would do differently:

• be more prepared... since I wasn't planning on potty training her, I didn't have any pull-ups ready for night time so on the first night when I tried to put her in a diaper, she looked at me with the saddest face ever and said "No diaper, Mommy!"  I rushed to get a swim diaper since it pulled on like panties and thankfully, she didn't question it.  I just told her these were special panties for nighttime.  (She isn't nighttime trained yet... we'll start working on that and weaning her "before bed" milk so that she can be successful.)
• different rewards... I would have preferred not to reward with so much food.  I had originally planned to make a treasure chest of cheap little items and allow her to pick one ever time she went to the potty, but since Finley decided out of nowhere to potty train, I never got it together.  
• stayed home on days 2 and 3.  I ended up sending Finley to MDO on day 2 because it was her last day, but I wish I would've kept her home.  On day 3, I took my nephew out for his birthday and even though I wouldn't have cancelled on him, I wish I would've gotten a babysitter so she could have continued to stay home and go to the potty without distraction and with lots of consistency.  Even though she still ended up potty trained, I think mentally it felt like FOREVER before she got it because there were two extra days of half-hearted trying.  

What surprised me:

• how long it took for her to get it.  Even though our pediatrician had warned me that she would be difficult to train, Finley has always spoiled us with how easily she adapts.  Took away the binkie... no big deal.  Go from a crib to a big girl bed... piece of cake.  Potty training... not so much.  Maybe this time span is normal, but I felt like the baby steps were uncharacteristic for her and this probably added to some of my frustration around day 8.
• how there have been no problems with her going #2 on the potty.  I know some kids struggle with this, but thankfully, Finley hasn't.
• how much I trust her!  I rarely even remind her anymore and she's only been trained for a few days.  
• how completely she is trained!  She hasn't had any accidents in five days!  I know she may still have some, but I just expected that she would still have accidents for awhile after she got it.
• how relieved I feel now that she is potty trained.  It feels soooo amazing and the stress of the past few days is replaced with a sense of accomplishment like no other!
• how proud I am of her and how proud she is of herself!

I had been praying throughout the process that something would click and that Finley would get it completely and quickly.  God totally answered that prayer.  I know I shouldn't be shocked, but it is always so humbling to see how percisely God can answer us on the most minor of things.  

I'm anxious to see how training Jude goes.  I know boys are supposed to be more difficult, but I am actually feeling a little excited about potty training him someday because I want to see how it's different and what will work for him!  I admit I am thankful that I have a little while before it's time to potty train again though!

It's Official....

Finley Ela is potty-trained!!!!!!

Did I really just type those words?  I still can't believe it, but it's true!  I am so proud of her!