Note to self: Try to take more pictures of the two of them together! This is all I've got! =)
I've written these updates every three months for the last year and I can't help, but laugh at the fact that in three more months, I will be starting them again only this time they will be the Life with Three updates!
A year ago, we were just welcoming Jude into this world and into our family. It was such a precious time and I admit our adjustment was much easier than expected. I have had friends who really struggled with adding baby #2 and we were blessed to make an easy transition with our super-easy baby and our adaptable big girl.
As this year has progressed, life with two has become more difficult. Plain and simple, I am exhausted these days. Exhausted, but happy. There isn't a day that I don't go to bed laughing about something that Finley or Jude has done or thinking about what fun we will have the next day. I absolutely love being a mom and God has given me such a joy in the everyday moments that happen around here. My life is full and I am appreciative.
The last three months though have been particularly challenging. I'm sure there are lots of reasons for that-- the holidays, Jude's newfound mobility and independence, Finley's full emersion into being three, my ever expanding waistline that makes simple activities much less simple, lots of ear infections, teething, allergy stuff, etc. I could point to a million different reasons, but the truth of it is that parenthood is just a journey and there are seasons that are more difficult than others.
While I don't want to be that mom who makes it all seem easy or that acts as if her kids are always perfect angels, I also don't want to be the mom that complains all the time or acts as if her kids are a chore. It's a delicate balance to record both sides of the story, but these updates are my attempt to try to tell it like it really is! =)
So here's an update on each of us:
Jude:
At one, he is still the sweetie pie he's always been. He is definitely showing more likes and dislikes. He is very cuddly and needy when he's teething and/or when he's sick. He is fairly curious and wants to figure things out. He isn't very verbal yet, but apparently that is very normal with boys and second children. He loves to eat. He loves to play. He loves his sister. He loves his daddy. He loves me! He has never suffered separation anxiety making it easy to take him to church and BSF. He seems to be adapting quite well to this world and is meeting every milestone that he should be. He is my BOY and I admit that I'm enjoying every aspect of that so far! I love finding clothes for him. Love his grunts. Love his baby face that is looking more "boy" all the time. He has really added another dimension to our family and I am so excited to see how his personality develops over time and become more of a "boy" mom to him!
Finley:
At three, she is a perfect mix of sweet and sassy. There are many days that I can't believe how amazingly sweet she is! I praise God over and over for giving me such a loving, sweet, and intelligent little girl. Then there are days when she is overly emotional, dramatic, and particular that leave me wondering how we will ever survive the teenage years together. She is all or nothing and it's a challenge as a mom to know how to handle the shifts in moods and how much to cater to her particularities. On one hand, I don't want to "cater" to her at all and on the other hand, I see (at least in certain situations) the need to let go a bit of my control and allow her a bit more.
Probably more in the last three months than any of the months prior, we have seen a bit more jealousy of Jude. She has also decided to act more like a baby and I can almost always correlate it to Jude getting more attention than her on that particular day. Devin and I are trying very hard to show compassion and patience.... helping her articulate her emotions and find preferable ways of handling them. It's a very long process and some days I find myself too frustrated with her behavior to teach and to model... It seems much easier on those days to just "lay down the law" or threaten or bribe. I'm not proud to admit this, but it's just the honest truth. I go to bed more nights that I'd like thinking of all the things I should've handled differently. Thank goodness for the days that I see progress.... I'm quite sure that Finley is no worse than any other 3 year old out there... in fact, I would bet that she's better than most... at least that is what her teachers tell me, but it's been a trying few weeks and I'm a little beaten down.
As for her relationship with Jude, it continues to grow in positive ways. She is so caring with him and though she doesn't often like to share her toys with him, she is always finding other ways to share with him whether that's her food or her books or her love. She doesn't like not being with him and throws a fit if she doesn't get to help put him down for his naps or bedtime. She often wants to help change his diapers and has begun getting me burp cloths and other things for him without me even asking. She is a really good big sister and I am looking forward to seeing her with C3.
Me:
Well, I'm exhausted, but I've said that already. I have always fed off of completing to-do lists and feeling productive so in this new reality where most days nothing goes as planned and my to-do list doesn't even get started, I am having to find new ways to feel energized. I think there has been an emotional toll on me lately because of the feeling that I have 500 things that I want to get to that I won't EVER get to. I have to let it go. I really do. I can feel God tugging at my heart to focus on the eternal and to see everything through the lens of His plan for me and where He has me right now. I'm learning that I can't do it all. I'm finding that it's okay to ask for help. I can find that even the simplest things can rejuvenate my soul and that I have to seize those opportunities when they present themselves. This sounds easy, but the truth is that some of these things that I absolutely need to function are also the things that are in themselves a bit of a chore-- such as getting us to BSF, a 20 minute drive, each Tuesday morning on time prepared and ready to hear God's voice or meeting Beth every other week in Guthrie despite the fact that it means less sleep that night and working it out with Devin's work schedule or getting together with my mom's group that is such a blessing, but also just another thing on my plate.
I do feel like God is breaking me right now. I think He is showing me just how much I need to depend on Him and I am thankful for that. I know that I am tired. I know that I am in need of a break (which I am about to get! Yippee!). But I also know that there is no other place I want to be. As tired as I am and as trying as certain days have been over the last three months, I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. The thought of not being a wife and mother is a thought that I just can't comprehend. I am thankful that I'm growing and am thankful that each phase hasn't been a piece of cake. I have loved learning how to be a better wife and mother through these more difficult months and think I'm learning just a little bit more each day what it means to die to self. Such good stuff even if it is hard!
Devin:
I always hesitate to comment for him in these posts, but I think it's safe to say that he is loving being a dad. He loves Jude's new sense of independence... probably more than me because he isn't quite so sappy about his little boy growing up! =) He and Finley definitely have a special relationship as well and she really responds well to his love and discipline. I'm so thankful that he is the one parenting next to me and that we are studying God's word on parenting together each week in our Sunday School. It has been a great opportunity for us to get on the same page and make necessary changes. He is a very good balance to me and is always there to remind me of what is important.
It's been one amazing year and I'm looking forward to a million more just like it.
