My Three Kids: A Comparison

Today I had my third OB appointment!  I had just seen my doctor right before Thanksgiving, but I needed to do the Quad Screen so I went back today.  When my OB walked in, she said "Want to take a little peak at this baby today?"  I almost squealed!  I was sooooo excited!  Of course, as soon as I got giddy, I also thought "Oh, no!  What if she suspects something is wrong?  What if the heartbeat didn't sound good so she wanted to take a closer look?"  But no, she just wanted to spoil me!

Our little one was a mover and a shaker which was so fun to see!  She was finally able to get a decent picture to print for me, but it wasn't easy.  This baby likes to MOVE it, MOVE it!

I have a friend who didn't find out what her third was, but was convinced it was a girl because the third one's profile looked so much like her daughter's.  She was right!  She did have a girl!

Soooo.... as soon as I got home today, I pulled out Finley and Jude's ultrasound pictures to compare and see if I could figure out whether we were having a girl or a boy.  Which by the way, my OB asked if I wanted to find out, but I said no.  I can't imagine finding out without Devin!

My OB did a sonogram today and these pictures of Finley and Jude are their ultrasound pictures so they are a little more clear.  Also, they were older than C3 so they had filled out more.  I can't wait to see how much C3 changes between now and our actual ultrasound.

Either all babies look pretty much the same in an ultrasound picture or all of my kids are going to look just alike! I think Finley and Jude have very similar profiles.  C3 seems to have a more prominent chin, but could be just because he/she hasn't put on as much fat.  Regardless, this comparison does nothing to help me determine the gender of C3! =)

Seeing our little one today made me so excited for May!  I'm caught in the middle of wanting to savor each minute and wanting each minute to hurry by so that I can meet this sweet pea!

Jude's Showers

This weekend Beth threw a Sip and See in honor of Jude!  

When I first got pregnant, we had talked about this idea because she knows how much I hate showers.... Well, I guess I don't hate other people's showers, just mine.  I hate being the center of attention.  I hate worrying about whether people will show up.  I hate people feeling obligated to spend money on us.  I hate it all.  I am literally sick the whole week before a shower so the Sip and See seemed like a better option... since Jude would be here, it would be all about HIM and not so much about me. =)

We decided to invite only friends to this shower since family gets to see Jude all the time.  I was sad that a few of my close friends weren't able to attend, but other than that, the shower was absolutely perfect!  It was a great time of celebrating such a sweet baby boy!

 Loved the decorations!  LOVE the red and blue!

 The dessert-- Tiramasu-- My FAVORITE!

 Some of the yummy food!  Whenever Beth is involved, the food is bound to be good!

The drinks and favor table

Closeup of the favors-- coffee and a biscotti (sip) and a picture of Jude (see)

Guests-- some of them... We forgot to take pictures with everyone!

I realized that I also never posted Jude's first shower.  Devin's sweet aunt offered to throw a shower for us before Jude was born and I couldn't turn her down even if I do hate showers!  Aunt Linda is the queen hostess and always does such a fabulous job!  The weather was a little bit uncooperative, but to be expected in January!  Here are a few pictures from that shower as well!

 Linda made Finley a bear as well!  I just love how this turned out!

 So cute!  These were amazing!

 Eggs to match the "Nesting" theme!  Love it!

Ha,  ha!  Look how big I was!

I thought...

June 2010:
I thought I was excited when I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.

July 2010:
I thought I was excited when we saw our little one and heard the heartbeat for the first time.

August 2010:
I thought I was excited when we began telling our friends and family.

September 2010:
I thought I was excited when we found out that we were having a BOY!!!!!

October 2010:
I thought I was excited when our amazing photographer captured my sweet growing stomach.

November 2010:
I thought I was excited when we started working on the nursery!  (Finley was a BIG help!)

December 2010:
I thought I was excited when we picked a name for our baby boy and bought him his first Christmas gifts.

January 2011:
I thought I was excited when at the end of the month we picked an induction date of February 16th, but were told that he could come ANY day AND he didn't come during the BLIZZARD!

February 2011:
I thought I was excited my whole pregnancy to meet my little boy, but when I actually held him in my arms,  I fell

completely.

in.

love.

March 2011:
These past two weeks seem a bit like a dream.  When I look at Jude, tears fill my eyes because I am so blessed to be a mom again.  I had no idea the emotions and love that would come with this little package of joy!  Even though I know I felt this exact same way when I had Finley, I just couldn't have ever prepared for how amazing it is to hold Jude next to me, to look in his little eyes, to touch his little hands and feet, to put his tiny clothes on him, to kiss him over and over....  There's just no way to describe it.

This. is. my. family. and there are no words for how excited that makes me.

We named him Jude Eli...

...to give praise to our Lord.

Agreeing on a baby name is no easy task for us.  I remember when we first found out we were pregnant, we instantly agreed on a boy name.  We both loved the name and I thought for sure we would use it as a first or middle name.  In November, we went to Ralph and Aubrey's house for dinner and Aubrey said "My mom asked me if you all had a name and I said, Mom this is Michelle!  They have CRITERIA the name has to meet!"  I laughed and said "I do seem to make things harder than they have to be, don't I?"  And it's true.  Here we had a name that we both liked, but I just couldn't go with it.  There were two other names that I really loved and had my heart set on, but Devin hated both of them so we just kept searching.


One Tuesday morning right before Thanksgiving, I was sitting in BSF listening to our teaching leader who used these verses to illustrate a point that we were studying in the book of Isaiah:


"Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into his glorious presence without a single fault. All glory to him who alone is God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord. All glory, majesty, power, and authority are his before all time, and in the present, and beyond all time!" Jude 1:24-25


Hearing these verses was just a turning point for me that day and the name Jude stuck with me.  After that, the name kept popping up here and there in random ways.  A couple of weeks later, Devin and I were sitting in church and he jokingly pointed to Zephaniah (which was where our pastor was preaching out of) and said he thought we should put it on the list.  I immediately turned the program over and pointed to the name Jude who was on the December birthday list and asked him what he thought of it.  He thought for a moment and then said "I don't hate it."  We then took our Bibles out and turned to the book of Jude.  Here's what we immediately read:


Jude, a servant of Jesus Christ and a brother of James.


We looked at each other and smiled.  We finished reading the chapter and Devin put his hand on my stomach and wispered "Jude".


Jude.


If our Jude were to describe himself one day and use the terms "A servant of Jesus Christ" and "a brother of Finley"... Well, I don't think my heart could be any fuller.  First and foremost, Devin and I want our little boy to be a servant of Christ.  And though he will have a million other roles to play in his life, one of the more important ones he'll play is that of a brother.  

When we had Finley, we had no idea if she would have siblings one day, but with Jude, we knew he would be a brother.  We knew that God had that planned for him and it is our desire that he and Finley look out for each other and know the special bond that He created for siblings.


Eli.


A week later, Devin said "What do you think of Jude Eli?"  I was hesitant because I wanted to find a middle name that had something to do with our relationship, but then I looked up the meanings of the names Jude and Eli.


Jude means "Thanksgiving" or "Praise."


Eli means "My God."


Praise to My God.  I was convinced.  I knew I would never find another name that embodied more of what I wanted than that. 


We want to PRAISE OUR GOD in all things.  He is truly worthy of our praise and He is truly our personal God.  He is the one constant in our lives and the only One who truly knows the depths of our souls and yet He loves us anyway.  He is the only One who can complete us.  


Spending parts of my life feeling abandoned, unloved, and insecure, there is nothing more that I want for my children than for them to know that there is One whose love cannot be earned.  Cannot be lost.  Cannot be fathomed.  It has changed me.  His love.  So to give Him praise, well, how can I not?

So Jude Eli... you are here.  You are loved.  You are our son.  You are our Praise to Our Mighty God.  When we look at you, we see Him.  Thank you for giving us a reminder of His love.  We hope you feel it every day of your life.

Introducing LbC!!!!!!

Our son is FINALLY here!

We are already completely in love.  He captured our hearts immediately and we are so blessed to know he is our perfect gift from above!

He arrived at 2:27 p.m., weighs 7 pounds 1 ounce, and is 20 inches long.

He is absolutely breathtaking!

Oh, and his name?  I'll let the big sister tell you... afterall, I have been quite paranoid that Finley would be the one to let the secret out.  She can actually say his name quite clearly though I'm not sure this video captures it.  She has been known to run into LbC's room and say Hi, __________! speaking his name clear as can be so we just knew that she might give it away if someone asked her!

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him" Psalm 127:3

Isaiah

(And no, LbC's name is not Isaiah! Ha, ha!)

I woke up incredibly emotional today.  I don't think I quite made it out of bed before the tears just started coming.  I have had numerous breakdowns over the last few months in relation to Finley, but this morning was perhaps the worst.  Her world is about to change and I have no way to prepare her for it.  I have hours left with just her and that doesn't seem like enough.  I am so thankful for these last weeks stuck inside where Finley and I could spend so much quality time together... it really has been a blessing even if we went stir-crazy at times.  I am so incredibly eager to meet our son and yet, there has been a part of me these past few months that has been trying so hard to hang on to life as I've known it.  To hang on to life with my little girl and my wonderful husband and not think too much about how it all is going to change.  I can't wait for this change!  I really can't!  I can't wait to have another child.  Can't wait to have a BOY!  And yet, my sinful self at times is overwhelmed with fear of the unknown and the need to be in control!

But as usual in spite of my breakdown, God provided His comfort.  He brought to my mind a verse that has held such meaning to me over the years:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" Isaiah 43:18-19

I first came across this verse early in my relationship with Devin.  From the beginning, we both knew that our relationship could be serious and I really struggled with "forgetting the past".  We hadn't even been together two months and Beth told me one day in all seriousness "Michelle, he should break up with you!" And she was absolutely right.  I just could not believe or accept that someone could actually love me.  I couldn't comprehend actually finding the "one" so I kept picking everything apart and finding every reason to not see the new thing that God was doing right before me.  I clung to these verses during those first few months of our relationship and now I am clinging to them again.

And then just this week, I studied this verse in BSF and again He pressed it into my heart at just the right time.

He is doing a new thing!  He is giving us a son!  He is giving Finley a brother!  I can't allow myself to dwell on the past.  To dwell on how things have been for the last two plus years simply because they are safe/comfortable/known/etc. or I will miss this amazing blessing that He has purposed for our family.

And then after my morning breakdown, I went to BSF and was reminded of the another verse we had studied this week:

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along UNFAMILIAR PATHS I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into LIGHT before them and make the ROUGH places SMOOTH...." Isaiah 42:16

I am LOVING this study of Isaiah!  Such timely words week after week!

So after Finley's nap, I decided Girl Time was in order!  I gave her a pedicure (at least I can reach her toenails!!!!) and we went to Pinkitzel for cupcakes.

(The electricity was out so it was really weird lighting, but I still like this picture.)

Girl Time is a necessity and I plan to make it a priority once LbC is here as well as making time with just him a priority.  I know it will be difficult at times, but I can't wait to embrace this new life coming our way.  With His amazing power, how can I not?

LbC: 39 Weeks

Little Baby C {LbC} Pregnancy: Inch by Inch from 4 to 40 {weeks}

Trimester: 3 

How far along: 39 weeks

Size of baby: over 7 pounds and over 20 inches long (size of a mini watermelon).

What is going on with baby: Continuing to build fat.

Total weight gain: +16

Wedding Rings: Both still fit

Feet: I can still see them if I turn my head!

Belly Button: OUT

Stretch Marks: Not that I can tell.

Linea Negra: Not yet. 

Maternity clothes: YES!

Food cravings: Cookies

Labor Signs: Pressure, a few leg cramps, Braxton Hicks ALL day on Sunday!  Some other signs that are a bit personal! =)

Sleep: Not good.  I’ve been up almost every night with contractions.

Best Moment This Week: Knowing that we are FINALLY going to be meeting our son after such a LONG wait!

Looking Forward To: Taking all of it in!!!!!  Finally kissing his forehead and cheeks.  Seeing if he has hair!  Dressing him in his tiny, little clothes!  Seeing Devin with him for the first time!  LOVING HIM!

LbC: Week 38 & Comparison Pic

Little Baby C {LbC} Pregnancy: Inch by Inch from 4 to 40 {weeks}

Trimester: 3 

How far along: 38 weeks (actually almost 39!) 

Size of baby: around 6.8 pounds and over 19.5 inches long (size of leeks).

What is going on with baby: Practicing breathing, growing, final development!

Total weight gain: +15

Wedding Rings: Both still fit

Feet: I can still see them if I turn my head!

Belly Button: OUT

Stretch Marks: Not that I can tell.

Linea Negra: Not yet. 

Maternity clothes: YES!

Food cravings: Cookies

Labor Signs: Pressure, a few leg cramps, Braxton Hicks ALL day on Sunday!  Some other signs that are a bit personal! =)

Sleep: Pretty good!  This weather has made Finley extra sleepy so she has been sleeping in and taking good naps so I have been able to rest more even if I haven’t slept super-great!

Weekly Appointment Update:  My OB called again to reschedule my appointment since another storm was coming in.  She checked me and said I hadn’t really changed much since last week.  Obviously from the beginning, she said that babies are unpredictable and that even though she thought he could and would come any day, he would come when he was ready.  She sort of shook her head this week as if to say “I can’t believe you are still pregnant!”  When we originally discussed inducement, she had said that she didn’t think there was any way that I would make it until then, but now it is a REAL possibility.  I admit I am feeling anxious and a bit disappointed.  I had really wanted to go into labor and not be induced.  I am reminding myself almost constantly that God is in control and that He has it all taken care of because I am losing a bit of patience.  I just can’t wait to meet him and have had EVERY reason to believe he would be here by now so it’s been a long 3 weeks of living out of hospital bags, loading and unloading the car, timing contractions, constantly having a game plan for Finley “just in case” it happens today, etc.  I have also been a bit insane about keeping our house clean so that we wouldn’t be coming home to a mess, which has been crazy considering the fact that we’ve been cooped up inside so much lately!  I’m a bit surprised by my feelings because I love being pregnant and have been trying to really enjoy these last weeks and not rush any part of them, but I find myself being much more impatient than I had wanted to be or expected to be!

Best Moment This Week: Creating the email that will go out to everyone once our little one arrives, spending so much one-on-one time with Finley, knowing that every moment that he stays in the womb enables him to be more prepared for the “real” world!

Looking Forward To: Seeing what LbC looks like!  Holding him in my arms!  Introducing him to everyone including his big sister!  Labor itself!  Every portion of it!  I just can’t wait!

My Prayer This Week: 

Dear Lord God, I thank You from the bottom of my heart for giving us Your Son, Jesus. It's such an amazing story, what You did for us. I pray You will give me courage and faith like Mary had.

And Lord, only You know the exact minute my baby will be born. Please help me to be patient and get through this time of waiting. I am so anxious to see and hold my baby that I can barely wait another day. Please be close to me and surround me with Your love and presence at the birth. Help the labor go smoothly and the birth to go just right.

Thank You, Lord, for all You have done to provide us with a way to communicate with You. Thank You for salvation and for Your great love. Thank You for my baby.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

Here is the last comparison picture for me to post since I had Finley at 38 weeks.  In fact, this picture was taken the night I went into labor with her.  I think I definitely look bigger with LbC, but I can't tell if I had dropped with Finley and that's why I look smaller or if I am just bigger this time around.  It's weird that I'm bigger, but have gained 10 less pounds, but my doctor does think LbC will be bigger than Finley so I guess that doesn't matter!

Lbc: Week 37

Little Baby C {LbC} Pregnancy: Inch by Inch from 4 to 40 {weeks}

Trimester: 3 

How far along: 37 weeks—FULL TERM!!!

Size of baby: around 6 1/3 pounds and over 19 inches long (size of Swiss chard).

What is going on with baby: His lungs are completing their development and he is putting on more weight.

Total weight gain: +15

Wedding Rings: Both still fit

Feet: I can still see them if I turn my head!

Belly Button: OUT

Stretch Marks: Not that I can tell.

Linea Negra: Not yet. 

Maternity clothes: YES!

Food cravings: Cookies

Labor Signs: Pressure, a few leg cramps, Braxton Hicks.

Sleep: Some…  This week I’ve been up with Finley as well as heartburn and contractions.

Weekly Appointment Update:  I love, love, love my OB and one of the reasons why is that she really goes way above and beyond.  On Monday, she called me and said “Can you come in today?  I want to check you before this blizzard hits the state!”  I was so thankful because Devin had already decided that we were going to stay at his parents’ house during the bad weather to be closer to the hospital as they were claiming travel would be impossible on Tuesday.  So I went in and she told me not to do anything to encourage labor if I didn’t want to have him in the next few days.  I’m dilated to a 3 and his head is really low so we are in waiting mode.  I am thankful that we made it past the worst of the weather and that I had the opportunity to talk to my doctor ahead of the storm.  In fact, she assured me that she would make it to the hospital if I went into labor and when I told her that we were staying with my in-laws (who live in her neighborhood), she said she would come get me and we WOULD get there!  It was nice to have some of my fears alleviated and to know that we weren’t being overly cautious by deciding to stay closer to the hospital!  I’m anxious to see if he comes soon or makes us wait it out!  With all this excitement, I just know he’s going to make us wait it out!

Best Moment This Week: Taking a couple of naps, going to the zoo for the last time as a family of 3, and getting the nursery as close to ready as we can at this point!

Looking Forward To: I love the anticipation that comes with labor.  It’s so fun not knowing when he will finally make his arrival.  Because I am a planner, it is rare for me to enjoy the feeling of not being in control, but there is something incredibly fun to me that we don’t know when he will be here!

My Prayer This Week: 

Dear Lord, I pray for my baby this week. I pray that you will turn my baby's head down in the direction you want him to be. If for some reason the baby shouldn't turn, such as if the cord is wrapped around his neck, then I pray that you take care of this situation too. God, you are Almighty and know everything that is going on with my body and my baby. You know the exact minute that my baby is coming. Lord, this has been a week of learning to trust in You. Your ways are higher than our ways, and Your thoughts are higher than ours. I place myself and my baby in Your hands and trust in You.  I know I can do all things You require of me, with Your help. You are here with me now, every minute of the day and night. I know You will take care of my baby. Lord, I receive Your peace and I place my trust in You. In Jesus' almighty name. Amen. 

Lbc: Week 36

Little Baby C {LbC} Pregnancy: Inch by Inch from 4 to 40 {weeks}

Trimester: 3 

How far along: 36 weeks (I can’t believe it!  At this point, they will not stop labor so he could really join us at any time!!!!!)

Size of baby: around 6 pounds and over 18.5 inches long (size of a crenshaw melon whatever that is!)

What is going on with baby: He’s shedding his downy hair and continuing to gain weight.

Total weight gain: +15 (it’s still fluctuating quite a bit… especially since I’ve been sick!)  I look HUGE in these pictures every week so I know that even though the scale doesn’t show it, I am indeed growing and so is he.  I’m just gaining weight in my stomach and losing it elsewhere. I do think he may have dropped...  it's hard to tell for sure, but it seems like I'm carrying lower in this picture.

Wedding Rings: Both still fit

Feet: I can still see them!  I do have to turn my head just right though!  One very interesting thing about me being pregnant is that I don’t tend to retain water.  I know a lot of women have really swollen ankles by this point, but with both of my pregnancies, I’ve been fortunate to not have this problem, which is odd considering how much I love salt!

Belly Button: OUT

Stretch Marks: Not that I can tell.

Linea Negra: Not yet.  Now that it’s getting closer, I sort of remember not being able to see it when I was pregnant with Finley until after I delivered her and then I could see it a lot better.

Maternity clothes: YES!

Food cravings: Mozzarella cheese with oregano on French bead… I indulged this week and even being sick, it tasted really yummy!

Labor Signs: Pressure, a few leg cramps, Braxton Hicks.

Sleep: Not good.  I’m having a hard time sleeping right now.  Part of it is being sick and not being able to breathe and part of it is waking up and thinking of all I need to do.

Weekly Appointment Update:  Starting this week, I’ll have weekly appointments until LbC makes his arrival. I am almost exactly where I was with Finley at this point.  She said I am a 1 pushing a 2 and 70% effaced.  With Finley at 36 weeks, I was a 2 and 75% effaced.  He’s also head down and in position, which was great news!  I really don’t want a C-section unless it is absolutely necessary. Devin came with me to this appointment because we knew we’d be talking about the birth plan.  We’re in the process of scheduling an induction because Dr. W will be out of town on my actual due date.  I definitely want her to deliver so we are going to schedule an induction before she leaves, but after examining me, she said she doesn’t think I’ll make it to my induction date. We also discussed the medicine she’s going to give me to hopefully prevent the postpartum hemorrhage I had with Finley.  She did warn me that even with the medicine, she can’t promise me that this won’t still occur.  The other thing she said that wasn’t too great to hear is that his lungs are probably not developed yet and that if he comes soon there is a good chance he will spend time in the NICU.  I am hoping he will stay in utereo as long as possible, but trusting that he will make his arrival when God has planned.  We are so excited that we will be meeting our little one soon!

Best Moment This Week: Really giving everything over to God.  I have had a rough couple of weeks, but the Lord has been working in my heart to just trust Him with all the details of life and I think being sick has given me some quality time with Him that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Looking Forward To: Finishing some of the last touches this weekend and of course our next doctor’s appointment and meeting our son!

My Prayer This Week: 

Dear Lord Jesus, Thank You for the privilege of knowing You as my personal Savior and Friend. I praise You, because You are a great and wonderful God, full of love and care and understanding for each one of us. Lord, I pray that You will give me the most wonderful birth experience I’ve ever imagined. Be close to me from the time I go into labor and throughout. Let me feel You lift me up into Your love during each contraction. Let me know You are with me, helping and guiding my baby to be born. Give me strength and endurance. And Jesus, I pray Your holy presence will fill the room as my baby comes into this world. Let there be an atmosphere of joy and gladness, of peace and praise. Give me an awesome birth experience, one I will treasure forever. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Combating the What If's...

One of the worst parts about being sick is that I feel like I'm not able to enjoy my last days with Finley.  For two years and three months, it has been just the two of us and soon that will change.  It is an amazing change. A fantastic change.  But it's still a change and I have been wanting to bottle up these last days of mother and daughter time. (Though we already have plans in place to spend quality time with each of our kids separately after LbC's arrival...)  Feeling the way I do, it's hard to really be an active participant in our time together.  I am so praying for a quick recovery, but it's been a solid week and I'm still not much better.

With all this time on the couch, I've managed to succumb to a lot of "What If's".  My mind has been busy even if my body has not.  I think I've whispered "I trust You, Lord" about a million times these past few days.  I realize more and more the importance of guarding my heart and combating my emotions with Scripture.  

Here are just a few of my "What If's":

What if I go into labor feeling as badly as I do?  

"You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe.  Every day was recorded in your book." Psalm 139:16  (Somehow I think His day for LbC to be born has far more significance than my desire to have him when I'm feeling well!)

What if I don't have the energy to push?  

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me STRENGTH." Philippians 4:13

What if his lungs aren't developed (or other health problem) and he has to go to the NICU before I can hold him or what if I have to leave the hospital without him?

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

What if he isn't healthy?  What if he has something wrong with him?

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14

What if my nurses aren't as amazing this time as they were with Finley?  What if Devin for some reason doesn't get there in time?

"And surely I am with you always even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

What if there is a huge ice storm and we can't make it to the hospital?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” Isaiah 55:8

What if I have the same (or worse) postpartum complications with this birth?

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

What if he doesn't nurse well?  What if he has a lot of reflux?  What if he is colicky?

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

What if he is never a good sleeper and I am left completely exhausted day after day?

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

What if Finley begins acting out?  What if she doesn't understand why brother is taking so much time away from her?  What if she is mean to him, to me, etc.?

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

What if my quiet time suffers now?  What if I struggle priortizing God, my husband, and then my children?

 "Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:10

What if I am not a good mother to two?  What if I can't give each of them the energy they deserve?  What if I can't make them both feel special, loved, valued, etc.?

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Basically, it boils down to this:

"Therefore I tell you, Do Not Worry About Your Life...." Matthew 6:25

and this

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning..." Lamentations 3:22-23

Our God is trustworthy!  I can trust Him.  He will be with me.  He will be with LbC.  He will be with Devin.  He will be with Finley.  He knows so much better than I do how everything should go.  

He doesn't deserve my "What If's."  He deserves only my TRUST.  My FAITH.  My LOVE.  My PRAISE.  

God calls us to pray specifically.  I have seen how when I pray specifically and when I pray God's Word, I can really see Him answering.  I can see how it changes me and I can see just how amazing His answers are. So I'm praying specifically that I will get better soon.  I'm praying specifically that LbC will hang on another couple of weeks so that his lungs will be fully developed and so I will hopefully be healthier.  I'm praying specifically that all aspects of his birth will rest in His hands and be fully glorifying to Him.  And I'm praying the above Scriptures whenever my mind wanders to the "What If's" in life because no matter how He answers these prayers I know He is faithful and His plan is always for my good.