Reunited {And It Feels So Good}

Right after, Devin and I found out we were having a boy with Jude, Beth bought him a super cute football taggie blankie.  It was our first "boy" gift and we were thrilled to have something that wasn't pink and girly to make our newest addition feel more real!

Finley was never a taggie girl... she had several smaller loveys of the taggie variety, but never really attached to one of them, but Jude loved his football taggie blankie from early on.  I loved seeing him with it!  It was so cute to see him curled up in bed with his taggie by his side.  He had a healthy attachment to it... he loved having it, but didn't need to take it with him or anything like that so unless he was going to be somewhere overnight, we never left the house with it.

Then before Evi was even a week old, I was leaving the house to drop Finley off to MDO and then Jude, Evi, and I were headed to a doctor's appointment and I thought I would just take Jude's taggie with us.  I think my mommy heart was feeling some guilt that he was no longer my baby (obviously he'll always be my baby, but no longer my baby baby!) so I thought that maybe if I treated him like a baby (in need of his lovey) that he would in essence still feel like my baby baby!!!!

Well, wouldn't you know it, but we lost the taggie on the only day we ever left the house with it!  I went back to the pediatrician's office and looked around at Finley's school, but was never able to find it.
I started looking on ebay for one and found one immediately.  I bid and won.  Unfortunately, I was typing so fast that I bid $2400 on it.  I won it for a mere $45.  I gracefully bowed out of the bid and moved on.  A few weeks later, I found another one.  This time I didn't win it.  It sold for close to $50.  I love Jude, but $50 for a taggie blanket?  Are you kidding me????

Thankfully, this week I bid again and won.  I paid $20 for it this time and as you can see from these pictures, it was worth every penny.  I loved seeing Jude's sweet face as he realized that his beloved taggie is back!  So thankful to have his lovey back.... we WON'T be leaving home WITH it anytime soon!

21 Years

It's been 21 years ago since my mom passed away.

Lately, Finley has been asking more questions about her and while that is a good thing, it's also a hard thing.

When she asks if we can go visit her in heaven or when she asks why God took her to live with Him, it tests my own faith.  I try to explain that she was sick and so it was better for her to live with God than to stay here and she asks why God couldn't just make her better (she knows He made Lazarus better... why not Grandma Pam as well?)...  And I stumble around the answer... telling her that when sin entered the world that so did disease and death.... that this was not God's original plan and that while we wish that Grandma Pam was still here that we have to trust that God really does make everything beautiful in His own time (Ecc. 3:11) and on and on I go until she seems content (or bored) with my answer and changes the subject.

Being a parent is challenging.  Telling your child what you know is true... what you want them to believe even when there are times you don't quite understand it yourself is tough.  But I'm thankful for the chance to talk about my mom with my children.  Even if it is in bits and pieces and even if there are so many questions I can't answer.

Over Father's Day weekend, we celebrated my dad at my brother and sister-in-law's house.  My dad couldn't stop saying how much Finley reminded him of me.  I assumed he meant how much she looked like me, but when I said "Yea, when I've looked at my baby pictures I'm amazed at how much she resembles me."my dad said "You think she looks like you?  Have you seen pictures of your mom when she was a baby?  I think she looks just like Pam."

On one hand, I was thrilled to hear that Finley reminds him of me because those are the types of things I miss about my mom not being here.... on the other hand, realizing that Finley ACTS like me scares me half to death! =)

I searched through the 10 or so pictures I have of my mom growing up and could only find this one of her as a baby...

This is a horrible picture, but I do think Finley looks like her... But I also think it looks just like one of my baby pictures as well.

When Finley was born, I didn't think she looked like me or Devin, but now I think it's fairly obvious that she resembles my baby pictures.... Is there any doubt we have the same hair and smile?  Even in a picture that is this blurry, we look just alike.

When Jude was born, I thought he looked just like me, but now both Devin and I think Jude looks more like our nephew, Nathan, when he was a baby.... something about the eyes maybe?

This is a picture of me when I was around Jude's age... I can see similarities, but I do think he is favoring Devin's side more.

Then there was Evi who looked JUST like Devin when she was born.  Going through all my old pictures, I found this one of me...

Maybe I am just looking for it, but it caught my breathe a little.  Up close, I think I look just like Evi.  

In all fairness, if I had Devin's baby pictures, I'm sure I could find him in all of our kids, but it's fun to see me in our kids.


To see my mom in them is almost too much to ask for.


Twenty one years is a long time, but I really am thankful for the promises of God's word.  Somehow knowing that the God of the universe has counted every tear I've cried regarding my mom helps.  Knowing that one day I will be in heaven and completely understand the why's of life makes the why's of today more tolerable.  Days like this so make me dream of the streets of gold....

Smiles

This little girl has been smiling up a storm the past couple of weeks!  

I am so in love with this smile!  

It's true that I've been a wee bit concerned that my Evi Reece didn't like me.  I know that sounds crazy because it is CRAZY, but that's what postpartum paranoia will do to you... make you sound like a crazy person!  HA!

I remember being so excited when both Finley and Jude started smiling, but whether it is the paranoia or the fact that Evi is sooooo alert all the time that her lack of smile has been super apparent, it feels absolutely amazing each time she beams her smile in my direction!