Life with Three: 12 Months

Wow!  It's still crazy for me to believe that Evi is one and that I've been doing this mom thing for almost five years now.  Everyone asks me if the adjustment from 2 to 3 kids was a difficult one and I always tell them honestly that I don't think I ever had the chance to adjust from 1 to 2 kids before #3 came along so this past year (and really the past 2-3 years) have been kind of crazy ones.

Looking back on the last year, I realize just how hard it has been.  Going through it, I think I have always just done what had to be done and didn't think too much about whether it was difficult or not because there is always joy in parenting even when it is hard, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that it has been extremely hard at times...

BUT it's been hard in a really beautiful way.  In a way that has forced me to be more selfless.  More focused on others instead of myself.  More aware of what's really important.  More accepting of the "mess" and the imperfect.  If I truly want to be the hands and feet of God then I am faced with the opportunity to be that day in and day out and while I fail at every turn, I am ever so grateful to be learning with 3 little ones that I love more than life itself.

Of course, it's been hard in other ways as well.  Ways that aren't nearly as beautiful.  It's been about making choices that have been different and unpopular from my friends and learning that some friends embrace my different choices and some distance themselves.  It's been about realizing parenting mistakes made long ago and how some of them can be corrected while others are forever what they are.   It's realizing just how important this parenting stuff is and how intentional I have to be if I want to get it right...  And that is SO hard.  When every decision feels so crucial, it's so easy to feel discouraged, alone, and defeated.  But that's when it gets beautiful again because I know that in my own failures and weaknesses, I've been given the opporutnity to shine God's strength....  such a crazy and humbling idea in and of itself.

I know I'm rambling, but this year has just been a really big learning experience for me and while I'm still beating myself up over how few times I've taken my kids to the zoo, the park, the museum, etc., I'm also rejoicing over the fact that I actually survived this year of having 3 kids 4 and under! =)

Anyway, here's a little update of how we are all doing:

Evi:
E is seriously the sweetest thing ever.  I feel like her personality is still emerging, but she is definitely not going to take the role as "baby" lying down.  She is determined to do most anything her older siblings are doing and though I think she has a pretty sweet disposition now, I have no doubt she's going to hold her own.  I can't help, but be a bit sad that she hasn't stayed a "baby" longer.  At almost 14 months, she's taking 5-6 steps at a time, down to one nap a day, and eating everything in sight.  She constantly takes toys away from Jude and is into everything imaginable.  She is a busy bee, but also a cuddler which does my heart proud.  She has been a great sport about being dragged along on errands and car rides and whatever routine that's been dictated by school and dance schedules so I honestly couldn't be more thankful for how easy she has been this last year.  She is a huge joy and a perfect addition to our family.  To say she loves us all fiercely is an understatement.  She calls out  "DADDY" as soon as Devin comes home, immediately looks for Jude and Finley when she wakes up and perks completely up upon finding them, and well, she's equally attached to me and loves for me to hold her as much as possible.

Jude:
J is at a very difficult stage right now.  I want to admit this because I think too often as parents it is easy to act as if there is no bad or the opposite make it out to be all bad.  I often say he is angry at the world and is constantly throwing fits, throwing things, and basically in a bad mood 24 hours a day.  My friends have assured me that this is indeed a "boy" thing... we'll see.  I definitely think part of it is being 2 and part of it is not being able to do everything that Finley can do and part of it probably is a boy thing, but I'm still learning how to parent through this stage in a way that is effective.  I don't just want to assume that this is a stage if there is a solution to helping him better manage his behavior.  He's communicating more and more so that seems to be helping a ton.  I've also found that being super consistent with timeouts (which is exhausting for all of us) helps as well as just trying to carve out 5 mintues here and there for JUST him.  It's amazing how he won't hardly stay still long enough for me to hug him, but when I rock him at night, he melts into me and has no problem resting his head on my shoulder.  I definitely think being constantly pulled by Finley and Evi takes its toll on poor Jude because he plays amazingly well by himself and is just about the sweetest thing ever created when he wants to be.  I love him more than anything and when I see him tagging along after Finley and giving Evi hugs, it's just about more than my little heart can take.  There's something very special about sibling relationships and I'm excited to see him play the roles of "little" brother as well as "big" brother.  I absolutely adore this little boy of mine and am so thankful that God gave him to us!

Finley:
F is beyond fun at four.  She's independent and yet still likes to please us.  She can be sassy and particular, but we can reason with her now and she can understand emotions, behaviors, etc. much easier than before.  I think she has a lot of my personality-- she's so stubborn at times and yet can be sweet as can be.  She likes to help others and be kind, but can be as rude as all get out as well.  She can be super independent and not like to ask for help, but also want others to befriend her first.  Of course she is also so much like Devin... she is super curious and insanely smart.  She has an uncanny memory and is very into how things work.  She's both complicated and beautiful... it is really fun to see how she is growing up.  She is an amazing sister and is a huge help to us.  Sure she gets mad at both J and E from time to time and constantly wants her way, but more and more we are seeing the selfless side come through and when it matters, she is always very sensitive to their needs.  I love how as she is getting older, we can talk about more grownup things and yet at the same time she still wants us to cuddle her and protect her.  I couldn't be more in love with the stage she's in and I'm trying to take it all in and create a lasting relationship with her.

Me:
Well, first, I made it through a year of nursing Evi and it's probably one of my proudest accomplishments because it was so difficult and was such a huge goal of mine coming into having her.  I weaned her at exactly one year and while I miss it in a way, I was also ready for it to happen.  Second, I love being a mom and am so thankful that we have 3 kids.  It is soooo hard and I am so not worthy, but it is what I feel called to do and in the end, that's what matters.  Third, I am exhausted more often than not and would be lying if I didn't say I wanted to call in sick every few weeks.  Ha!  It's probably entirely inappropriate to quote SATC on a parenting post, but I love when Samantha questions Charlotte about being happy and she says she's happy every day.  Not all day every day, but every day, she's happy.  That's how I feel about parenting.  It's not fun every day, but every day there is something fun to remember.  Fourth, I'm so not the mom I wish that I was or the mom that I thought I would be.  My kids watch way too much tv, I escape to my phone far too often, I don't do nearly enough crafts and the number of times we've taken a fun outing in the last year is downright embarrassing, but I also know that I've spent the last year with basically 2 babies and in the next year when I can trust Jude a bit more and Evi isn't putting EVERY.SINGLE.THING. in her mouth that we can go more places and do more things.  What makes doing fun things difficult at this stage won't be difficult at all a year from now and while there will be new things that are just as difficult, I'm trying to prioritize what's important and be what my kids really need right now and not just what I think the perfect mom would be and thankfully, at the end of the day, they just need me.

Devin:
I think Devin is doing really well.  He is much more level-headed about all parenting related things and I'm so thankful for that.  He calms me down when I am feeling insecure and is better at being able to see the bigger picture.  He wrestles with the kids every night and they all love for him to come home just so that they can dive on him.  Yes, even Evi likes to wrestle.  He is always great about taking all 3 kids which is nice since I know it can be overwhelming.  There isn't a night that we don't get in bed and laugh about something that one of the kids did or ponder with amazement how well they played together after dinner or what new trick one of them has learned.  He's a great dad and I think has made the adjustment to three kids rather easily.  I'm so thankful that neither of us has been too overcome by it.

So that's the one year update!  Can't wait to see how we are doing in another few months!!!  I know if I don't blog about it, I will totally forget what life was like so as hard as it is to find time for posts like these, I hope I can continue to make them a priority!

And just because it is a PURE miracle to have all 3 of my kids in one shot, I'm posting this picture of them again! :)

Life with Three: Six Months

Where did October go?  And most of November????  Last year I took a long blogging hiatus because I was pregnant... Sadly, that is not the reason this year!  We've just been crazy busy and I have totally been out of the blogging mood.  But I want to get caught up and since I still have a draft of my "Life with Three: 3 Months" post in my inbox, I thought I'd better start with the Six Months post or otherwise I won't have any record of what life was like this first year with 3.

I am blessed.  I absolutely love having three kids.  I am more exhausted than I have probably ever been in my life, but I am so happy.  It is soooo hard, but wow, do I love it!  Devin teases me that I should've been a Duggar... I seriously love babies and love being a mom.  That does NOT mean that I am the best mom or that I don't have moments where I question why God would ever entrust me with this role when I fail every single second of the day, but oh, how amazing it is to live this life as a mother of three!

This summer was amazing.  I would have a May baby again in a heartbeat!  It was so wonderful to have a slower pace with a newborn.  We hung out at home a lot and it was nice to have more pajama days than not.  We did plenty of fun things, but it was just a breath of fresh air to not be rushing out the door every morning.

Now that it is Fall, we are always on the go.  I love the routine, but miss the flexibility we had this summer.  I definitely don't feel like the busy schedule brings out the best in me.  I am always "hurrying" us from one place to another and my patience is not what it should be! =)  BUT we continue to readjust things and adapt and I am thankful over and over and over again for the fact that my kids are adjust so easily!

So here's a quick update:

Evi: At six months and two weeks, she is finally on a routine.  I am glad I didn't push one in the earlier months because she really has done just fine without one.  I was so afraid that by the time I really needed to put her on one that I would've spoiled her for too long and it would be a nightmare, but it hasn't been at all.  She is now taking a morning and afternoon nap on a regular basis instead of catnapping throughout the day due to our crazy schedule.  She's also sleeping much better at night now that we've moved her into her own room.  And she's doing great with nursing and her first few rounds of solid food.  She is a seriously happy baby and while she is advancing much too quickly for my taste (hello almost crawling!!!!), she is such a joy that I cannot imagine her not in our lives.  She brings me so much happiness that I must praise God for her a million times a day.  I have always had really great, really easy newborns and Evi is no exception.  I'm anxious to see if she continues to be easy or become more high maintenance the way that both Jude and Finley did!

Jude: At 21 months, Jude is an absolute handful.  He is crazy cute and amazingly sweet, but he is into everything and can't be trusted for a second.  He is full of energy and passion.  He throws fits like you would not believe.  I think he is constantly frustrated.  He is gaining so many new words and it is so fun, but I can tell that his fits are almost always due to the fact that he can't communicate his feelings or because he isn't 4 like Finley!  He so wants to be a big boy and having an older sister who is constantly able to do something he can't makes it a really frustrating time for my little guy.  He loves us though and there is nothing like him running to me saying "MAMA!!!!" or running to the door to throw himself at "DADDA!" or hearing Evi and cocking his little head to the side and saying "Evi????" and then running to find her and giving her the sweetest hug where he puts his head on her little tummy or when he first wakes up and says "Sissy!" and runs all over the house to find Finley!  He is no longer our laid back, easy going boy, but man, he's fun!  I must say that a million times a day!  He keeps me on my toes, but in just a really amazing way!

Finley: At 4, Finley is particular and opinionated and the biggest helper ever created.  She loves all things Evi and has proven once again what a great big sister she is.  She shows some jealousy at times, but for the most part, seems to have taken the role of the "oldest" in stride.  She likes to be in charge and can't wait to be bigger so being the oldest suits her well! I am often thankful that she is as independent as she is since Evi and Jude are still so dependent.  She talks constantly and my brain is literally tired each and every day from answering so many questions and trying to process her train of thought.  I hope she will always be a talker though so that I know what is going on in that pretty head of hers.  She is so compassionate and so loving and so smart and I am just crazy about her!

Seeing my kids as siblings is one of the major reasons why I want an even bigger family... Though that probably isn't going to happen, there is nothing like sibling love to me and watching them interact makes all the sacrifices soooooo worth it!

Me: I am tired.  And behind.  On everything.  I keep saying I need life to stop for 2 weeks so I can get caught up.  Truth is I probably need more than 2 weeks even, but it's very hard for the type A in me to handle how many things have fallen by the wayside lately.  When I do have time, I find myself just wanting to do nothing or not knowing where to begin.  I definitely feel out of my groove lately and am anxiously awaiting January when things will calm down.  I don't like how busy I feel.  And I don't like that I keep saying that over and over, but don't know what to change.  There is not one second though in spite of being out-of-sorts that I don't love being a mom.  Beth told me that I do motherhood well and I wanted to laugh!  If she could only see what goes on daily in our house and yet, on the flip side, I know what she means.  Motherhood suits me somehow even if I'm not the mother I wish I was.  I hope that one day I will really feel like I have done motherhood well.  It is the biggest gift and blessing I've ever been given and I do not want to ever take it for granted.

Emotionally, I'm still pretty paranoid about Evi.  Even though the paranoia has improved since the extreme it was right after she was born, I still find myself checking on her throughout the night and constantly worrying about "this" or "that" where she is concerned.  I know that the lack of sleep from checking on her is only adding to the emotional aspect of my paranoia and so the two are feeding off of each other.

Physically, I'm tired. (I think I've written that about 5 times in this post already!)  I feel like the adrenaline carried me for a really long time, but it has left me suddenly and I miss it.  =)  I'm also not in shape and want to get back into exercising.  Not that I've ever been really in a routine where that is concerned!  Ha!  Still I want to lose the baby weight and though I probably won't lose any until Evi weans, I know that exercise would help me have more energy!

Devin: I always say I hate speaking for him so of course, I won't.  But he has been a lot better about making it home a couple of times a week in time for family dinner and we love it.  We play the "high low" game and Finley is so cute giving us her "high" and "low" each day.  On Monday's, I take Finley to dance and Evi comes along so that Devin gets alone time with Jude which I think has been so fun for both of them.  I think we are both looking forward to getting those one-on-one times with each of our kids as they get older.

So that's where we are right now... I hope that when I read this ten years from now, I remember that it WAS hard having three so young.  I hope that I remember that I was beyond tired.  That I was constantly worrying about whether I was enough while trying to remember that only He is enough.  I want to remember how long it took just to get out the door each morning.  How many snacks I had to pack for a simple outing.  How the timing of fun adventures was so critical in working around nursing sessions and naps.  I hope that I remember the way Evi would smile bigger than her face would even allow.  The way Jude would laugh so hard he would almost stop breathing when I would tickle his neck.  The way that Finley would whisper secrets in my ear and want me to lay with her every night after she was supposed to be asleep so that we could talk about life.  I hope I can somehow remember the good without ignoring the hard.

Life With Three: One Month

Well, it has been one CRAZY month with 3 wonderful children and 2 exhausted parents under one roof!  There have been moments of complete perfection and moments of complete hysteria, but for the most part things really have been pretty great around here!

The first two weeks were insane as everything was ending-- MDO, MOPS, BSF, Dance, etc.  On top of all of those things, we also had what seemed like a million doctor's appointments.  The first day I had all 3 of them by myself, I took them to the pediatrician's office during naptime.  I like to challenge myself... HA!

But truthfully, I really don't have a problem with continuing our normal life with 3 kids in tow.  I do want to enjoy these years with them at home and therefore, am looking for ways to cut back so that we aren't always on the go, however, for me, there are no "I can't do this by myself!" thoughts running through my head.  I like the four of us going to Target, Sams, Wal-Mart, TJ Maxx, Chik-fil-a, etc. when we need to... It isn't easy, but that doesn't mean it isn't doable or isn't kind of fun in spite of its craziness!

The last two weeks of this month have been much more calm and I've realized just how much I love being at home with my kids!  It has been nice to establish a home routine which is something we've never really had before.  I thought we'd all go stir-crazy on day 1, but we really haven't.  By the end of the week, we usually are ready for Daddy to be home and for a chance to do something different, but for the most part, we are all enjoying the more relaxed schedule.  There's only been one day that I just knew if we didn't get out that Finley was going to be a handful so we went to Chik-fil-a and she was an angel the rest of the day.

I'm going to write a longer update on Evi and myself, but here's a quick look at how all of us are adjusting.

Evi:
Like our other newborns, Evi is at the EASY end of the spectrum.  She isn't the angel baby that Jude was, but she is definitely not a difficult or demanding baby.  Devin and I always amazed when we hear that the average newborn cries 2 hours a day because I don't think any of our babies have cried a total of 2 hours their entire first month!

Evi actually reminds me a lot of Finley as a newborn... The main reason Evi fusses is because she can't keep her binky in her mouth and I remember Finley doing the same exact thing!  It seemed to take forever before that stage was over.  Like Finley, Evi is also really alert probably even moreso than Finley was whereas Jude was more of the typical newborn who constantly slept.  Like Jude though, Evi tends to just grunt or groan at night when she wants to be fed instead of the typical newborn cry.  That's really nice for us since Devin gets up so early... his sleep is obviously disrupted, but he rarely wakes up in the morning able to remember Evi waking him up.

Now that we are at the end of the month, I definitely feel like I have a better idea of who Evi is and what her needs and preferences are.  She has obviously changed repeatedly throughout the month, but I now can really tell what her cries mean and know how to get her to sleep, etc.

She is adjusting to her new world and I am so thankful that she is HERE!

Jude:
Jude was totally not interested in Evi in the hospital, but once home, he took notice and always smiles when he sees her!  He really, really wants to touch her and love on her, but of course, he is too rough for us to let him do that!  I'm thankful that he seems to really like her and in fact, one of his first words that he said consistently and clearly was "Baby" which is so sweet!

I asked Dr. K how I would know if Jude was feeling left out or having trouble with adjusting to the new baby and he said Jude would hit me or hit Evi which thankfully he hasn't done yet!!!

However, Jude has been a lot fussier than before Evi.  He gets easily frustrated and has started throwing fits when we tell him no.  Thankfully, his fits are very short and he is still at the age that we can distract him.  He also hates the stroller right now.  I think he was stuck in it too much when I was pregnant and had doctor's appointments etc.  He seems to do better in it when Finley is around to help entertain him which is good!

In general, he isn't the easy boy he has always been.  Though I think part of this is completely normal for his age--- he is learning to talk, but can't communicate very well yet... he can walk, but can't completely keep up with us yet... he has preferences, but isn't in control, etc.  All of that can lead to fits and frustration, etc.  However, I'm sure that adding a new little sister probably heightens these issues as well.

Regardless of the fussiness, I do think he is adjusting pretty well!  He's still eating and sleeping as usual and he doesn't seem the least bit upset AT me or AT Evi.  Despite being at a difficult stage, he is just the sweetest and I'm so glad he is going to be Evi's big brother!  I can't wait to see how their relationship develops!

Finley:
Well, obviously, Finley was THRILLED to meet her little sister.  She has been great with her and truly loves her!  It has been so amazing to see!  Finley is at the "ideal" age (in my opinion) to be a big sister.  She can help me and is independent, but isn't at the age where she sees Evi as a chore.  I try to let her be the big sister and not the mommy which is difficult at times because she so wants to help me with everything and to watch her and hold her all the time.

She isn't quite as possessive over Evi as she was Jude, but is so proud of her!  She talks to everyone about her!  It is sooooo sweet!

As far as adjustment goes, we have seen little areas of jealousy-- times when as soon as I sit down to feed Evi, she needs something to eat or needs help with something... times when she acts like she can't talk (think this is more because of Jude than Evi)... times when she wants us to carry her or feed her.... She is also not sleeping very well... this started before Evi was actually born, but I do wonder if it is still somewhat tied to the new baby.

And another reason why she is at a great age... when she does start acting this way, I can talk to her openly and ask her if she thinks her behavior is due to the fact that I can't spend as much time with her right now and so we have been able to work on her finding better solutions to her feelings than acting out... It's a work in progress, but she can at times say "Mommy, I need some extra time with you."

In all, I think Finley has done exceptionally well over the last month.  We have had major changes in our schedule with everything ending and with the addition of Evi, haven't been getting out as much as Finley is used to.  Jude has also become more mobile and more verbal which has changed her dynamic with him.  So I will happily take a little jealousy and a little acting like a baby.  She could be A LOT worse!!!!!

Like with Jude, I just can't wait to see Finley's relationship as big sister grow and I'm thankful that she is doing as well as she is!  Evi and Jude are very blessed to have her!

Me:
Physically, I'm doing great!  I felt better the day I had Evi (even being super sleep deprived) than I had in probably 6 weeks!  I didn't even realize how much pregnancy and chasing 2 little ones had taken its toll until I wasn't pregnant anymore.  I am so thankful that I have felt so well and had such an easy recovery.  After the first week, I had about 10 pounds to lose.  After the second, I was down to about 5 pounds to lose.  I doubt my weight will change until I'm done breastfeeding.  I feel GREAT about only having 5 extra pounds and it feels really good to be in my regular clothes.  I have good genes!!!!  And just so I don't forget, after having Evi, I realized that I never got the linea negra which is kind of weird!

Emotionally, I love having 3 kids!  I never forget what a blessing they are or that this season (parenthood) is a short one!  It has been nice to spend so much time at home lately and not have a million things to be doing.  I am a bit sleep deprived so I find myself a little low on patience at times and can be easily frustrated, but I have been trying to plan in at least two naps a week and while some weeks go better than others, I am trying to make naps a priority!  I'm also used to more adult time and more time to do things like shopping and errands than I have right now.  It's an adjustment, but I know that it is actually the reprioritizing that my life needed and I'm happily embracing it!  On the negative side, I'm super-paranoid this go round.  Though Evi is my third, I'm always looking for something to be wrong with her.  I question everything and am always on the Internet searching for information.  I think there are a lot of reasons for this, but I am learning to accept that Evi might just be as healthy as I prayed she would be!

Though I think I'm adjusting well to 3 kids, I admit it is HARD.  It is amazing, but it is not easy.  Juggling the needs and wants of three unique people is difficult and not for the weary! HA! The laundry alone is a full-time job and let's not even talk about the number of diaper changes!  Trying to get everyone in the car, pack snacks, drive somewhere, get everyone unloaded, accomplish an errand while dealing with well-meaning, but annoying people who stop me every 5 seconds to tell me that I sure have my hands full, get loaded back up, and drive home before Evi needs to eat again should win me some sort of Olympic medal!  It is exhausting to be a mom!  It is the most selfless thing I'll ever do, but it comes with lots of hugs and kisses as well and I do so love it!

Devin:
I never like to speak for my sweet hubby, but he has been great since Evi has been born.  He has been home by around 6:30 p.m. every night which has helped immensely.  He is a great dad and has been really wonderful at letting me go to Hobby Lobby or to Guthrie to meet Beth or run errands etc. once he is home from work or during the weekends.... He realizes that I need to get out of the house!!!!  He is also really great about taking Finley and Jude outside to play while I feed Evi so that I can get a little quiet time!

So that's how we're doing after month 1!  We've been so blessed to have over 20 people bring us meals these past few weeks which has helped our adjustment immensely!  Even though I miss cooking, I don't miss food prep and Devin definitely doesn't miss cleaning up the kitchen!  Pretty soon, we'll be cooking and cleaning again and then the real test of life with 3 will begin!  HA!