It's Time...

Time for this cute little one to get some blog time....

I am 15 weeks and through my first trimester.  Though I am so thankful that the morning sickness has ceased, I admit that I am a bit sad that the first trimester is gone.  I don't know if we will have more kids so I'm desperately soaking in every minute of this pregnancy.  I keep thinking "This may be the last pregnancy test I take." "This may be my last first OB appoinment."  "This may be my last first trimester."

But overall, God has given me a peace and an enjoyment of this time.  Truth be known, I wasn't sure we would have a third child so I am very thankful and am very humbled.  To be a mom is gift that only He could give me and I am cherishing it.  If we're done, we're done and I know He will continue to give lavishly to me as only He can do.  He's pretty awesome that way.

Three, as our little one is currently being called because Devin and I have ran out of creative juices, was a surprise.  A wonderful, perfect one.  When I took the test, I said "God is so good."  When I told Beth a week later, she said the exact same thing and I loved that.

Almost six and half years ago when Devin and I started our lives together, I wasn't even sure I wanted kids.  I had grown up being "that" little girl... the one who carried a baby doll with her everywhere she went.  The one who was obsessed with babies.  Loved to babysit.  You know the one.  It was me.

Then I grew up and I didn't get married right out of college.  I didn't think the "fairytale" would be for me.

But it was.  And in God's perfect timing, I met Devin and a year and a half later, we were married.

For me, that was enough.

After years of wondering if I would ever have someone to share my life with, I had no real desire to think about babies or kids.  I felt blessed beyond measure and wasn't interested in changing that.  I think I knew we would talk kids at some point, but I was pretty content with it being just the two of us.

Then a year and half into our marriage, I found out I was pregnant.  I was completely shocked.  And I knew that God had a bigger plan.  I've always said that the way we unexpectantly got pregnant was just as big of a gift as Finley herself.  I think I would've always found a reason to delay having kids... "What do I know about being a mother?"  "Won't I just screw this little baby up?"  "How will Devin and I still have time together?"  "What if we get one of 'those' kids?"  "Who is going to spoil my kids if my mom isn't here?"  And so on and so on.

As cliche as it is, as soon as they handed Finley to me, I knew that I was meant to be a mom.

I may not be the perfect mom.  Some days I may not even be a good mom.  But I was meant to be a mom and it's one of the few things I feel directly called to.

Fast forward two years after Finley and I became pregnant with Jude.  As far as "planned" babies go, he was the "most" planned of the three.  Basically, we got pregnant on the first "try" and we weren't even officially trying so we were ecstatic.  We feel very blessed that we have been able to get pregnant so easily.

As excited as I was about Jude, my pregnancy with him was a real learning experience.  God was taking me on a journey that I wasn't expecting.  He grew me in ways that I wasn't very happy about and put me to the test on some issues I've always struggled with.  And in the end, I'm stronger for it.

Which brings me to Three.  I knew before I could even turn a pregnancy test positive that I was pregnant.  In fact from conception, Devin and I were joking about Three's existence, but it didn't change the joy I felt when I did for sure get the confirmation that we were expecting again.  It has also made me more grateful for my pregnancy with Jude because I have learned to let go of some of my control issues allowing me to enjoy this pregnancy so much more.  I'm only human and still have some room for growth, but overall, I can say that I'm meeting this pregnancy at a much better place than I was with the last one.

Jude and Three will be 14-15 months apart.

Six years ago I married my best friend without a thought about having kids.

Now we will have 3 kids in 3 1/2 years.  Wow!

How amazing is our God!

I know a lot of people would cry and freak out about getting pregnant 51/2 months after giving birth, but He has given me nothing but joy.  I know it is completely from Him because there are times I think "Will I really be able to enjoy Jude as a baby and fully enjoy the anticipation of another baby?" and "How am I going to manage with 3 kids?"and "I haven't even lost the baby weight from Jude!"  and "Will Jude and Three be super competitive with each other?"  and on and on and on.

But as quickly as those thoughts enter, I am reminded.  "This is what you prayed for."

When I became pregnant with Jude, I felt very confident that we were not done, but Devin was very much on the fence about having more than 2 children.  He wasn't completely against it, but truth be told, he would've been just fine stopping at 2.

So I began praying shortly after I got pregnant with Jude that God would change my heart or change Devin's.  That He would make it clear to us what HIS plan was for our family.  As much as I wanted another baby, I never wanted it at the risk of my relationship with Devin.  I was afraid that I would always feel like even if he agreed to a 3rd child that it was for me and not because he actually wanted it.  It just wasn't worth it to me.

And God answered my prayer.  Because this wasn't either mine or Devin's plan.  If we had decided on a 3rd, we would've waited at least another year or two before trying.  But that wasn't God's plan.  His plan was for Three and His plan was for NOW.  He took control.  And we are BOTH so excited and thankful!