Grandma Pam

I'm so behind on blogging that quite honestly it makes me not want to blog at all.  Everyday I think I need to blog about this or that, but know I won't because I have too many other things to blog that are seemingly more important.  But sometimes the little day-to-day stories are what it's truly about and even though I feel like I blog too much about my mom, I don't want to forget the following....

**********

I've found myself wearing my mom's necklace more and more lately.  In fact, it has almost become a permanent fixture... I tend to sleep and shower in it.... not taking it off unless it just really doesn't go with what I'm wearing... which is rare.

I love it.  Yes, it is a reminder of my mom.  A tangible piece of her.  And I like having something of hers that I can touch when I think of her or miss her or wish I could talk to her.

But mostly it is a reminder of God.  A reminder of His promises.  Of His faithfulness.  Of His sovereign plan.  Most times when I touch it, I do so with praise on my lips.  Praising the Savior that is there for me... that fills in what I lack.  That understands my sorrow that she's not here.  That understands my joy that comes with just knowing that I'm in His plan even when it isn't my own.  It's a reminder that life doesn't go the way I would plan.  That His Ways aren't always ones we always get.  And so when I catch a glimpse of it in the mirror, I thank Him for the power He has to change what I can't.  He can change my sorrow into joy.  He can give me peace in the midst of the unknown.  He can comfort me when my grief can't be solved this side of heaven.

So I wear the necklace...

********

Finley loves for me to lay down with her before a nap or bedtime.  It's one of her particularities that I gladly give into because it's the time of the day when we bond the most.  It's the time I ask her "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 QUESTIONS!" as she so desires.  We talk about her favorite colors, who her best friend is on that particular day, what she wants to do when she wakes up, what she learned in Bible Study or at church or did at school, etc.  We pray together, sing together, laugh together, love together.... it's my favorite time of the day with her.

My Instagram picture of Finley with praying hands during our pre-naptime ritual

The other day I was laying with her and she reached out and touched my necklace.  "Grandma Pam's necklace, Mommy."  "Yes, it is, sweet girl."  She says to me "Mommy, after my nap, let's go to Grandma Pam's and give her back her necklace.  She'll be so happy to wear it again."  And I smile and remind her that Grandma Pam isn't here and that we can't go see her.  And she asks "Where is Grandma Pam, Mommy?"  and I give the generic, but hopefully correct answer "She's in heaven, honey."  And she says "Oh!  Mommy, someday when we get to heaven we can give it to her and sing Gloria with her and the angels."  

********

So now I have another reason to wear the necklace.  I wear it as a reminder to a little girl who can't see or touch or hear or feel the love of her grandmother, but who now imagines her in heaven singing the Lord's praises with the angels.

And I think that might be the best reason to wear it yet.