So the obligatory new year's post.... Here we are a little over a week into the new year and I'm already behind.... But I've finished three books already... not bad considering the fact that I'm not sure I've finished three books in the last four years combined. I really do hope to catch up on the last few months now that things have slowed down. No promises, but I'm sad that I haven't captured all the moments going on in life lately and I really do want to at least post about some of them.
So here goes...
Dear 2012,
You were a year full of beauty. Beauty that can only come when intense joy mixes with sorrow. This year was so much different than I had pictured, but I can say that as usual I am better able to appreciate the good times when faced with some difficult ones as well. This will always be the year that we welcomed Evi to the world. The year that we celebrated Jude's first year of life and Finley's fourth. The year that we searched for a new place for our family to live and grow and be. The year we changed our minds on just about everything that we thought we wanted in a house and the year that we even let Santa make a visit. The year that we met Mickey Mouse and the year that Finley started smiling like a dinosaur. The year that Jude climbed on everything in sight. The year that Evi took my breathe away over and over again. The year that Beth and I forwent our typical girls' trip for mini retreats and a Craft Weekend. The year that Devin and I sadly didn't renew our football tickets and spent multiple nights curled up on the couch catching up on Gray's Anatomy. The year that taught me how short life can be and how nothing is really ever as it seems. The year that God taught me that all any of us really want is to simply be loved for who we are and how difficult and simple that can be at the same time. The year that showed me that we are not immune to reliving the same hardship over and over again and that just because we 've learned about God's character doesn't mean we don't have to rediscover it again and again... I'm not sure what my one word for 2012 was... I know my motto was to do more by doing less and as usual, I failed horribly at that! I'm sad to see you go, 2012. Even if the difficult times have been particularly difficult, I have loved this year and if I could pause time, I think I would. I hope that 2013 will be full of more beauty even if it means more hardship.
Love,
MLC
Dear 2013,
Every fiber of me is entering this year kicking and screaming. I actually was up for about two hours the first night of the new year thinking how much I was dreading this year. This is the year, that Finley starts school and I just can't quite wrap my mind around it. This year equals less time with her. It equals time moving faster than I want it to go and it equals the beginning of influences other than me being more prevalent that I care for them to be. It also is the first year in two years that I haven't welcomed a baby into the world. And the first time in three years that I won't have been pregnant. Considering the fact that newborns and being pregnant are some of my favorite ways to exist, I can't help but be a little nostalgic. This year just seems to be about "goodbyes". Goodbye to newborns as Evi turns one. Goodbye baby stage as Jude turns two. Goodbye toddler stage as Finley turns 5. Goodbye (potentially) to the first house that Devin and I bought together. Goodbye to so many things that have become comfortable and normal for me in the last few years. I want to be excited, but I'm struggling. I chose my word for this year. Pillar. I feel like I need to be a pillar to my kids... to be their durable object... to not be moved by fatigue or emotion or frustration, but to handle the fits, the tantrums, the endless questions, the constant needs for it to be a particular way, all the goodbyes and changes, etc. To often I react too quickly, too thoughtlessly, too impatiently and my kids need me to be there for them as their security. They are looking for a reaction and I give it, but rarely do I give the reaction that they need from me... The calm, collected, loving one that tells them that they can throw their fits and can test my patience, but I am not going to give into my own frustrations, but instead give them the love they deserve and a mom that is in control. My guess is that Devin could also use a wife who is a pillar and not one who is prone to shifts in moods at a moment's notice. I admit my patience has been a bit thin lately and my words and tone haven't been what they should so Pillar it is. My goal with the ultimate Pillar of strength as my guide. Here goes nothing... Hope 2013 is better than I expect.
Love,
MLC
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